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In the land of rom-coms that rely on gender-based stereotypes, it’s common to see portrayals of men who are “in love with the chase” and uninterested in being wrangled by women who just want them to commit.

But craving newness and excitement-or experiencing relationship FOMO once the initial heat cools to a simmer-isn’t limited to one gender. (Or one sexual orientation, for that matter.) And it certainly isn’t uncommon.

“For many people the pursuit of the chase is more enticing and rewarding that the actual relationship itself,” says relationship expert Damon L. Jacobs, licensed ily therapist, and author of Rational Relating: The Smart Way to Stay Sane in the Crazy World of Love.